Zywa

Zywa #sui #2

I can think what I want
It doesn't numb me
but not to feel sorrow
would be worse

I can think what I want
That they were just words
but they were deadly
anyway

I can think what I want
Let myself explode
to know nothing more
but I know anyway

I can think what I want
Not to be the honey
he slurps up
but it happens anyway

and it's not the kiss
it seems to be
and certainly not the kiss
of my dreams

Poem 5132
Amsterdam, 2023-04-10
(Honey Love) - 2019
Siera Mayhew's first publications on AllPoetry.com in February 2019 were: "Desentisized", "Thirsty Bee", "A Suicied Note", and "Numb"
Collection: Inflictions
Keyword: Depression (despair)
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa #sui #1

Mama woke me up
She embraced me sobbing and
stumbled down the stairs
in my arms, and I

stumbled down the stairs
in her arms, to daddy
in the kitchen, arms around each other
we were crying

but I had to go back, see
how I was
breathless on my bed
still warm

as if I was asleep, oh
you are thirteen
don't go, stay
here with me

Paramedics arrived
They put me in a bag
and carried me away
leaving me behind

Poem 5130
Amsterdam, 2023-04-10
Loss / What they say (Honey Love) - 2023
On AllPoetry.com:
"Loss", February 7^th, 2023
"What they say", February 8^th, 2023
Collection: Inflictions
Keyword: Depression (despair)
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa I just should

Mama is angry, she's letting me
I just should
be big enough
Her mummy time is over

since the divorce
No new beginning yet
I just should
be kind to her

indulge her and help her
until it's getting better
I just should
not mind the voices

that spit at me
with swear words
and cover my thoughts
I just should

listen to her and see
how I get rid of it
Is there anyone
who is not deaf to me?

I just should fix it myself
and if I can do that, mama
you can succeed as well
in being my mama again

Poem 5126
Amsterdam, 2023-04-09
Mama / Even at 21 (Honey Love) - 2023
On AllPoetry.com:
"[ Mama ]", February 2020
"Mama", May 2021
"Even at 21", February 27^th, 2023
Collection: Bruises
Keyword: Parents: mother(hood)
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Thanks to all the pills

I am there, not the best of me --

but a bit of me.



Dankzij de pillen
ben ik er, niet het beste --	bin ich da, nicht mein Bestes --
maar toch iets van mij.	nur ein bisschen ich.

Poem S1563
Amsterdam, 2022-11-04
Some Version of Me (Honey Love) - 2021
Poem ((Siera Mayhew ["Honey Love"] on AllPoetry.com)
Collection: Shelter
Keyword: Balance (psycho-soma)
Tribute to: Mayhew, Siera
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

I am that sick girl,

no, I am still learning that --

my name is Siera.



Ik ben dat zieke
meisje, nee, ik leer nog steeds --	Frau, nein, ich lerne immer --
dat ik Siera heet.	noch meinen Namen.

Poem S1562
Amsterdam, 2022-11-04
I dont know my name (Honey Love) - 2021
Poem ((Siera Mayhew ["Honey Love"] on AllPoetry.com)
Names: BPD = Borderline Personality Disorder, MDD = Major depressive disorder, PTSD = Post-traumatic Stress Disorder
Collection: Shelter
Keyword: Balance (psycho-soma)
Tribute to: Mayhew, Siera
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa Why do I love you?

Lately, I've been wondering
Will grandpa Don hug me?
Will grandpa John kiss me on the cheek?
Will my sweetie be the first person
to welcome me there?

Quite often I wonder
Why are the days so similar?
Why do people want to live?
Why are children playing?
How many years did I play?

Then I wonder
which photo will remain of me
How old will I be on it?
Is that what will be left of me?
Will I turn in my grave?

I ponder a lot
about the luck I have had
How rich have I become?
Why are our happiness treasures
our happiness measures?

I often wonder
What will I miss?
Who will miss me?
Who will find me?
And who will have regrets?

Poem 3086
Amsterdam, 2020-07-08
Collection: Bruises
Keyword: Depression (gloom)
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa Fly in your attention

It feels famous, those sunglasses
against the guessing and hoping eyes
that warm you with attention

Yes, we watch, because we know
we are seen by you
we straighten our backs and laugh

We hear you, you like to talk
about love, about desires
and about me

that I seem to be ready
Yes, I really wanted
to believe that

and my body called
for redemption, but you took
my soul in return

Why was my age just a number
why did I think I could
fly in your attention?

You played with the words
Please Rescue Me
but I survived you

Poem 2957
Amsterdam, 2020-04-24
Collection: Inflictions
Keywords: Identity: being seen, Power: manipulation
Tribute to: Kelly, Robert Sylvester
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa Honey Love (Lonicera nixa)

I might start jumping in rhymes
and wave on my island
with luring calls love me

then I'll do the same
but it is already happening
because you are coming

and you will kiss me lovelier
then I imagined, you will
be so sweet

like your words, your body
will make me feel who I am
your Honey Love

your honeysuckle do I want to be
I'll give you everything, come
my sunbird, suck me out

And don't let anyone say Dear Girl
you have beautiful dreams, you know
surely that flowers will wilt
and winters take a long time

Poem 2542
Amsterdam, 2019-12-15
Honey Love (Robert Sylvester Kelly) - 1992
Song "Honey Love"
Collection: It takes a lot of tries to make a début
Keyword: In love: euphoria
Tribute to: Kelly, Robert Sylvester
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa Yay, a new reader! (Dad was in my room)

Daddy's friends like to laugh
and have another beer
to watch me
when I bring it

but today they fall silent
you could be bothered yourself
with a difficult daughter
who posts poems

about sex and the love
of her father and
a distant lover

What is the matter with him
and this interest in my inner self?
Too bad, he does not understand

Only in fantasy can I express
what I need and
what makes me angry

Poem 2539
Amsterdam, 2019-12-14
Collection: Inflictions
Keyword: Self-expression (creative)
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa Blood Flag

You lie who I am
so do not bother me, do not look
do not say anything, do not ignore me
act normal, can't you see
my Blood Flag in the storm!

I don't want sugar and no pat
and certainly not to be good
I want your recognition
of what has been done to me
only then will I lower my flag!

Well, say it, say it often
enough to make me believe
it is true, the bad luck
I've had, and that I am
wonderful nevertheless!

Only then will I say: Damn!
It's over, come on!
I just have to live with it!
And not stand in my own way!
I can really bear that burden!

Poem 2489
Amsterdam, 2019-10-30
People, especially adults, should pay attention to the needs of others
The blood flag is a Dutch red attack flag from the seventeenth century, on which is an arm lifting a sword
Collection: Inflictions
Keyword: Manly (aggression)
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa Please lick me

He hits me, and she
does not feel the pain
she prefers to side with him

I laugh about it, I know it
the ritual in which I am
just the last in line

Nobody hears it, nobody sees it
Who would help me? he doesn't
shout and he doesn't hit me that hard

Hello Earth, This Is Siera
I am a red devil
do you read me?

Come In, Future
I wish to live and be licked
please lick me dry and cool

Do It Now

Poem 2436
Amsterdam, 2019-09-30
Collection: Inflictions
Keyword: Trauma
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa My purple rain

The candle on the edge of the bath crackles
and, over my body, the ball is fizzing
the purple rain

of my red blood
in the blue reflection
of the sky in the water

my skin dissolves, my skeleton
shivers, so beautiful is this
ending, farewell my love

just let me go, I'm crying
but I love myself
since you kissed away what was ugly

Poem 2428
Amsterdam, 2019-09-26
Purple rain (Prince)
Poems "Hate (Vent)" and "The color purple" (Siera Mayhew) - 2019
Song "Purple rain" (1984)
Poems by Siera Mayhew (September 4th, 2019 resp. end of August 2019)
Collection: Inflictions
Keyword: Letting go
Tribute to: Prince
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa Fire in my belly

Her poetry is also about me
even though it isn't entirely true
there ís a fire in my belly

maybe it can be put out
but as long as it burns, it desires
the best of you

that does not lust after my beauty
to penetrate my lips
but is longing

for the best of me
the heavy whole, holy
and safe, my home

that I formed myself
from the metal of my body
and the silk of my spirit

Poem 2426
Amsterdam, 2019-09-25
Milk and Honey (Rupi Kaur) - 2014
Poem "Milk and Honey"
Collection: Inflictions
Keyword: Identity: personality
Tribute to: Kaur, Rupi
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa I feel my cuts

They say I live in a fantasy
they say I need to see my doctor
they say I am troubled

Some of them don't like me
and I don't like me
being that girl

who hates to look in the mirror
but dresses up to catch your eye
who is never afraid

to make statements
to be stubborn, just
to be frank, longing

to be submissive
and to gain the carnal
pleasure of my body

Yet I'm drowning
while waiting for help --
it is arranged for next year

They say I lie to myself
they say I am different
than I feel, and I feel

my cuts

Poem 2245
Amsterdam, 2019-05-18
Collection: Inflictions
Keyword: Love: for yourself
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa Intimate work of art

My body becomes a wreck
if I don't take care of it
and am dissatisfied

if it's not all that beautiful
as it seems, and so much
should change what can't be done

I see shiny people everywhere
they devote their bodies
as temples

of flesh, bones, and blood
to plastic beauty
or something higher

but my temple is for myself
a work of art
of my mind

that listens
when my body calls
for recognition and tenderness

to give and to receive
I am not an avatar
but intimately myself

Poem 2176
Amsterdam, 2019-03-23
Intimacy - 2019
Book "Intimiteit"
Collection: Inflictions
Keyword: Love: for yourself
Tribute to: Verhaeghe, Paul
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa Endorphin sweets

Sometimes I need someone
let us have a chat
meet somewhere here
or in a conversation box
we could laugh together
and share some
endorphin sweets
cutting isn't enough

red lines, welling up
from my heart
the kerfs of my tribe
saw teeth, welling up
from my heart
and read my poetry
red lines, welling up
from my heart

Poem 2143
Amsterdam, 2019-03-09
The Niuachi = People of the River Mouth, the Missouria tribe
Collection: Inflictions
Keywords: Love: wish (action), USA
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

Zywa Nixa (MO)

Oh, you noble knights
and wise old women
I couldn't care less

about advice and pity
what do you know

about this nix city
or the commotion in my heart
you can't see the blood

flow to my face, my lips
twitching, my smile telling

what I won't say or write
you can't hear the charm
of my voice, I know

my problems
better than you do

Poem 2142
Amsterdam, 2019-03-09
Nixa (MO) = Nothing but a crossroads
Collection: Inflictions
Keywords: Self-knowledge (attention), USA
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew

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