It's impossible

to get up and then go to --


the doctor as well!


Het is niet te doen,Es ist unmöglich,
opstaan en dan ook nog eens --aufzustehen und auch noch --

naar de dokter gaan!zum Arzt zu gehen!

Poem S3129
Amsterdam, 2026-04-23
My struggle 6. The End (Karl Ove Knausgård) - 2011
Autobiographical novel "Min Kamp. Sjette bok" (translated 2018), part 9 - June 2010, Malmö
Collection: Writing
Tribute to: Knausgård, Karl Ove 
 

Just let me lie down

in bed, not be a burden --


to anyone, please.


Alles gaat zo traag,Alles geht langsam,
laat me maar in bed liggen --lass mich einfach nur im Bett --

niemand tot last zijn.niemandem zur Last.

Poem S3130
Amsterdam, 2026-04-23
My struggle 6. The End (Karl Ove Knausgård) - 2011
Autobiographical novel "Min Kamp. Sjette bok" (translated 2018), part 9 - June 2010, Malmö
Collection: Writing
Tribute to: Knausgård, Karl Ove 
 

Gloomy light, a wall

as a view, street noise and stench,


a shabby oilcloth.


Somber licht, een muurGraues Licht, Blick auf
als uitzicht, herrie en stank,eine Wand, Lärm und Gestank,

een goor tafelzeil.schäbiges Tischtuch.

Poem S2961
Amsterdam, 2025-09-16
I've been to this part of town before. A narrow island (Frida Vogels) - 2014
Poem "Ik was al vaker in dit stadsdeel. Een smal eiland", published in "Diary 1977-1978" - July 12th, 1977, Bologna
Collection: Helices
Tribute to: Vogels, Frida 
 

Gloomily, I sit

by the scorched lanterns after --


my farewell party.


Moedeloos zit ikBedrückt sitze ich
bij verschroeide lampions --bei versengten Laternen --

na mijn afscheidsfeest.nach meinem Abschied.

Poem S2779
Amsterdam, 2025-07-17
The crowning achievement of my life (Frida Vogels) - 1994
Verse "De bekroning van mijn leven", published in the collection "De harde kern 3" ("The hard core 3", part III [Ennio and Kees]) - September 30th, 1956, Rome
Collection: ThereFrom
Tribute to: Vogels, Frida 
 

Sometimes I'm gloomy,

and life seems frighteningly --


meaningless to me.


Soms ben ik somber,Manchmal bin ich trüb,
lijkt alles beangstigend --kommt mir alles erschreckend --

betekenisloos.bedeutungslos vor.

Poem H5410
Amsterdam, 2025-04-25
The Eye in the Needle - 2023
Concert "Het Oog in de Naald" ("The Eye in the Needle", 2023, Albert van Veenendaal), #12, "Angst" ("Fear"), performed on April 25th, 2025 in the Organpark, by Francisca Snip (speaking voice), Albert van Veenendaal (prepared piano), Rogier Hornman (cello) and Roosmarijn Tuenter (viola)
Collection: org anp ARK 
Composer: Van Veenendaal, Albert 
 

I sometimes wish that

my next life would begin now --


I'll be happy then.


Ik verlang wel eensMal wünsche ich mir,
dat mijn volgende leven --dass mein nächstes Leben jetzt --

nu alvast begint.beginnen würde.

Poem S2516
Amsterdam, 2025-01-17
The Saint of the Impossible (Arnon Grunberg) - 1998
Novella "De heilige Antonio", chapter 14
Collection: Over
Tribute to: Grunberg, Arnon 
 

While I am musing

the sun hesitates to rise --


and it's getting dark.


Terwijl ik mijmerWährend ich sinne,
komt de zon nog steeds niet op --geht die Sonne noch nicht auf --

en valt de avond.und dämmert es schon.

Poem S2442
Amsterdam, 2024-11-03
The (female) dreamer (Marin Marais) - 1717
Composition "La rêveuse" for viola da gamba, performed by Nicolas Altstaedt (cello), Thomas Dunford (lute) and Jonathan Cohen (harpsichord) in the Music Hall on the IJ on November 3rd, 2024
Collection: Pending rain
Composer: Marais, Marin 
 

The dark night, full of

dark dreams, which lasts so long, may --


last even longer.


De donkere nacht,Die dunkle Nacht, die
die zo lang duurt, zal misschien --so lange dauert, könnte --

nog langer duren.noch länger dauern.

Poem S2396
Amsterdam, 2024-10-05
Long Dark Night (Nick Cave) - 2024
Song, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, album "Wild God"
Collection: Thinkles Lusionless
Tribute to: Cave, Nick 
 

Whoever never

had that night-black feelings can --


not know my sadness.


Wie dat nachtzwarteWer noch nie dieses
gevoel nog nooit heeft gehad --schwarze Gefühl hatte, kennt --

kent mijn treurnis niet.die Traurigkeit nicht.

Poem S2326
Amsterdam, 2024-08-27
Mood Indigo (Irving Mills / Nina Simone) - 1930
Song, sung in 1955 by Frank Sinatra (album "In the Wee Small Hours") and in 1957 by Nina Simone (album "Little Girl Blue", 1959)
Collection: VacantVoid
Tribute to: Mills, Irving; Simone, Nina 
Composer: Ellington, Duke 
 

He resigns, is deaf

to advice and does nothing --


just waits forlornly.


Hij berust, is doofEr ist taub gegen
voor adviezen en doet niets --Ratschlägen, er ergibt sich --

wacht verlaten af.wartet verlassen.

Poem S2268
Amsterdam, 2024-07-13
Shame (Salman Rushdie) - 1983
Novel / Exposition with stories, part 4, chapter 12 Stability
Collection: Shadows
Tribute to: Rushdie, Salman 
 

Zywa Scent of wisteria

You say: attention
is the most loving thing
you can give

I answer: carefreeness
is the most loving thing
you can have

It often eludes me
Then I lie awake
because I can't do anything

as long as there are no certainties
no current measurements and slices
for relief or a new plan

I want to try everything
to gain time
exhaust all my strength

adapt
and save who I am
what I'm worth

my head full of purplish blue fragrance
which turns my feelings blue
Blue Bluish blue

Poem 5160
Amsterdam, 2023-05-06
Collection: On living on [1]
Dedicated to: Maria Godschalk 
 

Just let me die, then

I'll stay with you, and you will --


know that I am there.


Laat me maar doodgaan,Lass mich sterben, dann
dan blijf ik bij jou, en jij --bleibe ich bei dir, und du --

weet dat ik er ben.weißt, dass ich da bin.

Poem H3750
Amsterdam, 2023-03-04
The Office - And melancholy, too (Han Voskuil) - 1999
Novel "Het Bureau - En ook weemoedigheid"
Page 351, Maarten Koning (1980)

Collection: Frustration
Tribute to: Voskuil, Han 
 

I'm depressed, mainly

in the morning and later --


on it goes better.


Depressief ben ikDepressiv bin ich
vooral 's ochtends en daarna --zumeist morgens und danach --

gaat het wel beter.geht es schon besser.

Poem H3360
Amsterdam, 2022-07-07
Like it or not - Faxing to Ger #4 (Nicolien Mizee) - 2021
Diary-novel "Hoog en laag springen - Faxen aan Ger #4"
Collection: In the shadow
Tribute to: Mizee, Nicolien 
 

The longer you live,

the more reasons you can have --


for melancholy.


Hoe langer je leeft,Je länger du lebst,
hoe meer redenen je hebt --desto mehr Gründe hast du --

om somber te zijn.schwermütig zu sein.

Poem S1199
Amsterdam, 2021-07-08
Bang (Ellen Deckwitz) - 2021
Column "Dreun" (in NRC)
Collection: Death on Cast
Tribute to: Deckwitz, Ellen 
 

Frost flowers, so pale

and bleak is the world, I stride --


gloomy like a rook.


Het ijzelt bloemen,Eisblumenglas, bleich
de wereld is bleek, ik schrijd --ist die Welt, ich geh freudlos --

somber als een roek.wie ein Saatkrähe.

Poem S1145
Amsterdam, 2021-03-20
Winter Landscape, with Rooks (Sylvia Plath) - 1956
Poem
Collection: Actively Passive
Tribute to: Plath, Sylvia 
 

Zywa Why do I love you?

Lately, I've been wondering
Will grandpa Don hug me?
Will grandpa John kiss me on the cheek?
Will my sweetie be the first person
to welcome me there?

Quite often I wonder
Why are the days so similar?
Why do people want to live?
Why are children playing?
How many years did I play?

Then I wonder
which photo will remain of me
How old will I be on it?
Is that what will be left of me?
Will I turn in my grave?

I ponder a lot
about the luck I have had
How rich have I become?
Why are our happiness treasures
our happiness measures?

I often wonder
What will I miss?
Who will miss me?
Who will find me?
And who will have regrets?

Poem 3086
Amsterdam, 2020-07-08
Collection: Bruises
Dedicated to: Siera Mayhew 
 

I just let life pass,

I don't have any bait and --


I can't even fish.


Ik laat het levenDas Leben passiert,
passeren, ik heb geen aas --ich habe keinen Köder --

en kan niet vissen.und kann nicht fischen.

Poem S0947
Amsterdam, 2019-10-14
Collection: Greeting from before
 

Depressed, no feelings,

I think I see everything --


without illusions.


In een depressieDepressionen:
voel ik niets, denk ik alles --ich fühle nichts, ich denke --

objectief te zien.objektiv zu sein.

Poem H2457
Amsterdam, 2019-05-07
The china shop - Faxing to Ger #2 (Nicolien Mizee) - 2018
Diary-novel "De porseleinkast - Faxen aan Ger"
Collection: In the shadow
Tribute to: Mizee, Nicolien 
 

Her husband doesn't want

anything, they both stare, know --


nothing to think of.


Haar man wil niets meer,Ihr Mann will nichts mehr,
beiden staren ze, weten --sie starren beide, wissen --

niets te bedenken.nichts zu bedenken.

Poem S0659
Tilburg, 2018-01-16
The hounds no longer hunt (Albert Alberts) - 1979
Novel "De honden jagen niet meer"
Collection: VacantVoid
Tribute to: Alberts, Albert 
 

Zywa Viola tricolor

Rainy days mud
my garden, the golden root is rotting

my wishing well spills over
I am spent

flaccid roads to the city
get me nowhere, no one wants

to pay for that, the world stands still
my little son is sleepwalking around me

by touch, cow and calf look
at me and frown, sighing

vapours muffled by the fine droplets
of rainy tears on the globes of my eyes

the sachets of water in which the world
always is upside down

a violet hangs and thinks:

mud will become waterproof
slate, eventually

Poem 1131
Amsterdam, 2017-03-05
Collection: Pending rain
 

Not wanting to be

there, but still having to live --


Just for appearances.


Er niet willen zijn,Nicht da sein wollen,
maar toch nog moeten leven -- und trotzdem leben müssen --

Dan maar voor de schijn.Also, für den Schein.

Poem S0312
Amsterdam, 2015-07-18
The sisters (Simon Vestdijk) - 1933
Poem "De zusters" (in "De Gids", 1933, no. 3 and in the collection "Kind van stad en land", 1936)
Collection: Stall
Tribute to: Vestdijk, Simon 
 

The clouds heavily

sail through the lake of my eyes --


Swans are flying up.


Zwaar varen wolkenWolken segeln schwer
door het meer van mijn ogen --durch den See meiner Augen --

Zwanen vliegen op.Schwäne fliegen auf.

Poem H0732
Amsterdam, 2014-02-04
Leda, more lively posessed than nature (Paul Éluard) - 1949
Poem "Léda plus vive possédée que la nature" (collection "Léda")
Collection: Shelter
Tribute to: Éluard, Paul 
 

Zywa Light version of the night

Without any prospect, it's cold
and silent, however graciously
the wind may play with the snow

Behind the window across the street
children eat sweets and watch
the whirling ballet

the herring gulls in the ice-hole
they keep open, white
bobbing gulls in black water

and on the surrounding grey of ice
black spots of coot are stepping
through the white flood of flakes

the light version of the night
there is not much left
the world is closing, I miss you

I watch and linger and wait
no, not for you, for something
in myself that is not yet there

my thoughts dissolve
in the snow, like lights
that loom up and extinguish

Poem 162
Amsterdam, 2011-01-02
Collection: Moons
 

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