Girl, do stand still for a while, please

It’s the wind, I’m rocking in the wind

Hear! Hear!

Please look, my branches move in the wind

There's no need to fancy yourself, please

I don’t fancy anything!

You do, you are being very tall

Sometimes I’m rather tall indeed

High winds blow on high hills, did you feel it?

It sang in my ears. Ssssssss...

That's beautiful. Please do again

Ssssssss... Help! The wind broke me!

Girl, I hear cracks in the wind. Is that you?

Help!

Girl, what are you doing, please?

The wind quakes me

Please do!

Nowadays it is quiet next-door
The son coaches the junior football team
and does the shopping
father is with the archery club

I was in bed and couldn't do anything
when the girl next-door cried out
It was the night of the club
father wouldn't be home until late

She moved a few months later

Sometimes I see her totter
on stiff legs wide apart
in which her scream grew rigid
She avoids people

Again I can't do anything
When I see her brother
I don’t know how to punish
and help him

You, because you are here
you must know me
help me

You see, I am disconcerted
all sorts of things
do not fit

I have no drive, no fancy
I have hair on my chin
and spots on my shirt

There is buzz, there are
tiring odds and ends
my body is broken

I dream fragments
I have no overview
help me

The black sun in me cries
the you of before and now wet
from love and breathlessness

Another day
to start again
how can I possibly bear that?

Another night
the doom, the hushed up verdict
the black sun around me

sucking me out and making me
flap in the wind to have me
flown away empty

Failed after all, and
still the whisper at home
the sweet words everywhere

You can't go on like that
you really have to take action
yes, that's what I've said

and

don't wait till Friday
go to the doctor right tomorrow
I think that's the best

yes

you didn't wait
not even till the next day
thinking that's the best

and then

you hang and hovered
between life and death
a man, no child

The job you went to do

You couldn't go on like that
you really had to take action
yes, that's what you've done

Follow your gaze
to a love hotel
that does not yet know love

Smell your temper
Yes, I want you, I want you
in the lap of my desire

Arrange your locks around
my love, let them sway
on waves of pleasure

Wrap your thoughts
around my finger, let them
lick my skin

Cry for the festoons
we've known, kiss
the heart on which stranded

I dared, here I am
I came for the sun, surfaced
from the depths of the sea, away

from addy, our twinsomeness
my unfulfilled talents and work
that does not suit me

Here I am, almost
because the hatch does not open
I become short of breath

in the sarcophagus
of my double-skin submarine

close under the light
on the water surface
of your concerned eyes

I can see the sun, feel it
in my blood, it warms
my dreams and gives them colour

Children are my pain
my sneaky love
knowing how

I came also here at the age of ten
in the institute unwanted
ignorant how

Till my brother found me
between the infants of my class
and told me how

Thirty-seven years I was
when I got a family that I asked
for shelter

Love was not great enough
Unwanted I grew old here
keeping back how

suffocating life is
wrapped in sheets of folding paper
as my shelter

That mix of best wishes
admiration and pity -
fermenting and bubbling in me

as soon as I see her
My stomach and throat are churning
They deform my humanity

Her eyes shoot
faster than my thoughts
her head reaches around the corner

to the sun, a rock is lying lazy
in her lower back
Shaking knees

One leg swings
around the other
feet behind each other

Her arms cry
to heaven and wring
out my powerlessness

that it soon will be over
that I'm not here, not now

that I feel everything I don't want
that I feel nothing but aversion
that I fell into a sinkhole

that I might be filmed and
that hopefully I'm not recognizable, but he is, so
that I have proof

that I dare to show
that I don't know who he is
that I'm afraid of what's to come

that I'm going to die painfully for the reason
that he infects me incurably, but also
that he himself will perish much worse

that he will be humiliated by everyone
that he wishes himself miles away, of misery
that he falls into a sinkhole

that it will swallows him up frightfully, yes
that it buries him alive
that it dazes him in a scary dream

that he roams in it for years
that he only after that will fall asleep exhausted
that he wakes up from his delusion again

that I stop him with love
that I receive him with love, but
that I don't get pregnant

that meanwhile I'm thinking all
this

Brunch with colleagues
Work is for later
One has to do so much

     has to live slowly
     with slow thoughts
     in soporific time

Anyway to bed on time
Not he, he stays up
The screen keeps him

     I turn around again and look
     ahead of me into the dark
     What was that quarrel?

Patience, a lot of patience
also with myself, dreaming
that I toil through sucking silt

     Inside the pillow hammers
     the breath of underwater animals
     I am lonely here

Every day I put little
stones in my blood
to slow myself down
to what people consider normal

but they have no idea
of the wings I had
the happiness and celebration
that life can be

There is so much to enjoy
when I am light with
open pores and a spacious
body, every cell vibrating

to caresses and music
the finest flavours and sunniest
colours, everything is a miracle
and I shine day and night

Under the night filter
I lie awake
in hibernation

the blossoms on my skin
dusky grey, luckily
I think that, still can think

something, that's all
and the itching continues
to plague me in my head

where I can't reach it
I can only wait
until it is dissolved

and I feel again
like having cake, luckily
I can bake it myself

when I have the energy
and my thoughts
find the words again

Wanting to enjoy
everything, forever
wanting and having
to celebrate, I sing
your name

A procession
In the past it was with goats
the billy goats, satyrs, people
who celebrate, I sing
your name

You are not there
Your sighs are not
in my arms, and no
liberating laugh, I sing
your name

Hoping for a miracle
that I don't believe in
an extension, being able

to do what ordinary people do
on ordinary days, eat
and not be sad

Getting stronger, restoring
myself, no longer needing
the names of my diseases

Only my nose is healthy
puts me in my own stink
smells where it's going

Pigeons coo more plaintively
cawing jackdaws scratch in me
Missy turns around me

The city is full of life
rushing past the ruins
which still know who they were

This in between the operations
is, in my opinion, what it is about
Your right words from time to time
in a bed of soft energy
in which I feel safe:

you are allowed to know
everything about me
but for now
it is too complicated
a beautiful mystery

you call me
My father is great
but he does not see me
I have to make me small
roll up in myself

Say something
do something
but don't touch me
the eyes in your hands
may not read me now

because what you think
is not right, too beautiful
is your image of me
as if I am someone else
even if that is true

Never I wanted to tolerate anything from anyone
exept from myself, I preferred

to be lazy and if I ever once did
help a bit really everyone was amazed

and looking at me -- I already see the time
approaching no one does remember that

Ice-cold I snubbed my parents
at all times I was quarrelling

at our home there always seemed something to be
the matter and every time I was angry

with myself, while nobody was angry with me
what was even more difficult for me

then I wished to be left alone
and full of misery I sat down and cried --

the entire earth is a vale of tears
that a girl has to endure virtuously

by being beautiful every new day again
like a flower that makes people happy

I wait for wind, the skippers wave at me
but I am just as ready for the sea
     There is no wind anymore
     not a breath of wind anywhere
I'm lying in the harbour, lying on the quay
just bobbing in the harbour, this and every day
     There is no wind anymore
     not a breath of wind anywhere
My plans are stored away, are stored away
provisions for tomorrow, for another day
     There is no wind anymore
     not a breath of wind anywhere
I'm staring at the sails, I stare and keep staring
at easy ins and outs, the moving, moving
     There is no wind anymore
     not a breath of wind anywhere
Those sails are tight and bulging, not a rip or tear
while nothing happened here, no, nothing happens here
     There is no wind anymore
     not a breath of wind anywhere
I watch the skippers sailing out, they roam and roam
but I don't catch the wind, and stay at home, at home
     There is no wind anymore
     not a breath of wind anywhere
There is no wind anymore
not a breath of wind anywhere

Loneliness, that want
that I had misunderstood:
it is not a feeling

but a tendency
that I may have
despite my good life

It is so elusive
how important I am
to the sweet people

who are important to me
but living their own lives
are absent to me

in the evening, the night and
when the day begins and
I am alone with my ideal

how it could be
with always the breath of
a loved one close to me

Maybe this ideal has
become my tendency
to wait and see

to acquiesce and yet
to keep longing -
invisibly lonely

Rainy days mud
my garden, the golden root is rotting

my wishing well spills over
I am spent

flaccid roads to the city
get me nowhere, no one wants

to pay for that, the world stands still
my little son is sleepwalking around me

by touch, cow and calf look
at me and frown, sighing

vapours muffled by the fine droplets
of rainy tears on the globes of my eyes

the sachets of water in which the world
always is upside down

a violet hangs and thinks:

mud will become waterproof
slate, eventually

There are ships sailing at sea
yet none is taking me
but the thought
will I keep on waiting?

The party is crowded, my table is not
Again nobody waits on my glances
which are waving and jumping
help help help

Last night, I dreamt again
that city and country were flooded
ships went down overcrowded
help help help

Are there ears for my voice
or am I stuck in emptiness
will I keep on
keep on waiting?

Shall I continue
to wait
alone at the table

my eyes jump
and wave help help help
ships sail past

I cry
louder and louder
with my shoulders
but I'm invisible
city and county are flooded

ships are sinking
packed
help help help

oh shall I
shall I continue
to wait?

Lean, hands rough skin
a hoarse greeting with holes
between my sand gnashing teeth:

a scary person
I am everywhere because nowhere
I'm allowed to be, give me shoes:

as long as I walk I live
Call me Job, I don't
believe God will save me

from the underworld
where it's warm in winter
till midnight

when the doors close. Whether I hope
to wake up from the cold
I don't know, maybe

I'll do what you do and push
it into the future
Then it doesn't exist

Bends between mossy boulders
poor reception in the clouds
on the mountains they recede and close
behind me keep my thoughts

trapped on the road
no views not stopping
for a pee quietly continue driving
standing still is dangerous perhaps

I'm going to cross a pass to the sun
still a thought
out of the fog of my feelings
I miss the sun

on the radio bits
of Nostalgia with a lot of noisy
would it help to cry

once that is safe?

The postcard, growing yellow
for so long

No contact
I don't have an address
to do anything about it

Besides, said in thoughts
my words are silting up
with caution

We only share the wind
that covers us

with sand from South
pollen from East, rain from West
and from North the cold comes

Then I pull a sweater
over my heart, stroke
with my fingers

on my one belly
thinking of your hands

When it is quiet, outside
only a light commercial
for pleasures of the big city
inside everything gray

the smell of the dog
just me
walking around
as if I'm not at home

but explore what
there is to see of the people
who live here: nothing
special, though there is

one tidy room
with an empty cupboard
and on the bedspread a cuddly toy
soft under my hand

then it grows still
in me, I am
not looking for anything, there's nothing
I'd wish to hope for

I'm just hanging
What would I struggle with?
All to myself
the pot of tea, the table

the rooms of our house
with its new windows
the scratches in the cabinet
all the presents

that I gave to you
and the poster of the glistening
water on the horizon
with the shadow of a ship

I'm just hanging
around in your absence
unable to take action, so strong
and close I do feel your presence

Where the white land is green and young
but the songs still mourn

for generations gone
in the mists of waiting

on the mountains across
where life is hard and old

where the fireplaces always burn
marmots raise their noses

by the elderly sitting there
picnicking and painting

the creeping broom and the round table
beyond the camomile fields

on the mound behind the heather walls
and the fern hedges in the narrowdale

that still are waving there on the helmets
of drowned iron soldiers

I muse about life and I eat
chocolate at the camel river

Today no mists on the hill
where once stood the Lion Fort

I had to choose the richest
otherwise they would have started a fight
because of me, it seems they like nothing better

where is their sense? In vain
I cry tears about myself
that don't change a thing, nowhere

between the curtains in the inner rooms
my beauty is safe, my soul searches
not knowing what is true for the love

of my strong man in my lap
to surrender free from fear
and become a mother, be

a good wife, not bothered
by a eastern prince who
enchantingly plays the flute

to take me with him on his horses
of the sea to a palace
on waters that are glinting

with misery, bringing ships packed full
of clouds and throwing my blossoms
back on the pebble-sand

Our rooms are located around
the square of heaven above
the well in the courtyard
At times a sparrow hops in my hand

People only come here occasionally
to bring money, day and night
the front doors are open
decorated with gilt carves

I cried when I said goodbye
appa's hands on my shoulders
amma's kisses on my head
I was a chosen child

but I didn't cry with joy
We all count down the years
we devote to the fire
of the earth and everybody

who kneels together with us
in this temple of support
affirms the holy covenant
of his fate with that of the others

Shrubs protect the back door
muscular guards close the bolts
We live concealed in the middle
around the square of the sky

above the well in the courtyard
Sometimes a sparrow hops in my hand
All of us count down the years
We have become a woman

without the permission to be so
for everyone who kneels
before the fire of the earth
burning for the unity

of the country, the bond
of the great men
who knock the code at the back
where we wash them on the bed

in words of praise
take off our robes
and kneel before the throne
of their hopefully infertile power

I celebrate my desires
on the templebed, doing
nothing, watching and smelling

what the priest is describing
they told me so in advance
An exercise

relaxing in the wild
of the mountains, in a cave
His words anoint my nerves

and untie them from the inside
of my entrails, wash my reservations
off with warm attention, recover

my muscles and my soul
I want to continue living this way
Let it go, let it go

that's the exercise
my only chance
to hold it

Today I walked in the heathland
out of my habits

I looked back and saw caring
with aversion, anger and powerlessness

taking shelter in my habits

together with a fear that I couldn't grasp
and they were looking common

My familiar habits
and their eyes called out: please

help

Mama
what I tell you
what I don't tell anyone else

what has happened
what cannot be explained
what we better leave as it is

I have no idea
how it can be otherwise
whether it should be otherwise

mama
we're having a good time
we can talk, talk

about something else
polish our words
let them glide lightly

along the scraping walls
around the discomfort
listening half

inventing the rest ourselves
then it will go
isn't that how it goes?

Those secrets, mama
we don't need to know them
out loud, you know

I miss the long walks
the long evenings together
the boredom of before

We didn't make gold
in the stench of 50 buckets
of urine, we drink

to the past, trophies around us
from the closet with seven locks
as a battery around our happiness

We borrow luxury
for a debt to later
than we want to witness

We eat comfort cake with whipped cream
and put the gnawed bones
as jewels in our nostrils

The party comes to an end
the mattresses are ready
for after the drinks bath

Everything is oh so interesting, we talk
louder and louder, listen how excellent
we imitate animal sounds

In the last dark
before dawn, I am wandering
through the city, after the party

the sky is clear
I have no idea
what I would want

The river gliding past
along the empty quays, the roads
without traffic, silence

around the ancient monuments
everything wiped up neatly
In the museum palaces

are naked people
of marble and paint
the princesses play cards

in the basement of the servants
my steps resound
in the floodlight of time

I was young, I went

to experience grand beauty
on hands of success, now
I walk on clouds

of electric light
glitter and admiration
celebrating my retirement

in the heaven of parties
star among the stars
smiling beautiful people

pearls, botultox and gel
in semi-gray hair, tireless
in time to the brass

nobody needs to go to the toilet
we are hovering over the beds
in which despair tosses and turns

because of the days and the years
of unsuccessful lives, and we dance
the conga since we are going

nowhere

On week-days I pass in the evening
passively and beyond my comprehension
windows of people who do not know
that they are lost, the couple
that is kissing for ten days now

waiting people everywhere and nowhere
I find the grand beauty
I want to live for, on my way
to share my melancholy
and memories of our plans

We old acquaintances are having a good time
with pretended complacency
lonely we dedicate ourselves to the sweet
doing nothing, among each other the focus
of chatting absence

After the goodbye of the first birds
I'm feeling sad and incompetent
for the days in the bright light
the decay of our lives outside
the magic world of the night

No storm, no silence
a deep swell of myself
being lost in myself

my organs merged
into feelings fast fishes
waving under
a smooth skin surface

a forgotten desire
undefined flowing out
over my cheeks

Look

my hands
they should do something
but I don't know what

nobody needs me
boring days, empty hands
leaves in the wind

and sand
I'm watching the sand
look

a photo
lace curtains on the windows
and a shadow behind it

Mama, you know
It's you
look, our house, the large house

with the garden, the arbour
where daddy had coffee and was
writing, look, here

and there are you, reading
on the swing, just like now
in the rocking chair

but you don't read anymore
you watch
TV, that's all